The Kids Are Alright
And other things music nerds might say when they're making sweeping generalizations based on small sample anecdotes.
Hello to all of my loyal legion of readers. There are * checks stats * twenty one !!!!! of you now! We are the fastest growing and most awesomest* music related newsletter whose name is adapted from something John Lennon said while tripping balls. Thank you for coming along for the ride.
This post started life as a comment on a post by the terrific Mallie Hart. Mallie writes a newsletter called Mallie's Eclectic Playlist, which is exactly like what it says it is. She often features new, freshly released music but the latest Two For Tuesday playlist was all 80s and 90s tunes, accompanied by some lively discussion about striking a balance between seeking out new music vs revisiting old favorites. A dilemma that I’m sure any music fan can easily relate to.
*old guy scrolls playlist of local college station in a pathetic attempt to stay relevant*
Rubblebucket ? Thats a new band ? Cool name at least, I’ll check them out.
* pulls up streaming app *
*types ‘Ru’ into search bar*
* Todd Rundgren ! I haven’t banged on the drum all day in like 3 or 4 days *
* Queues up “Bang The Drum All Day” *
*Air drums for the next 6 hours*
* Promptly forgets about the existence of Rubblebucket *
Naturally, we here at TEBNTW try to thread that needle by listening only to the latest AI generated remixes of “Glory Days.” Bobby still hasn’t come back to the hot Mom who lives up the block and still can’t hit your buddy’s fastball.
This discussion topic on Mallie’s post got The Eggman a thinkin’. About the old and the new, and about an interesting experience from the prior weekend, and about a couple 'Merican kids, growin’ up in The Heartland. I actually met them at my local record store the other day.
True Story.
There was a young man, let's call him say, Jack, accompanied by a young lady named, Diane maybe? They were around 17 or 18 I suspect, probably still in high school. Jack is about 5’6” and 150 lbs tops. I hope Jackie doesn't want to be a football star cuz he's gonna get crushed out there. Diane had a pair of those John Lennon style glasses and an Elvis Costello T shirt. She could have been Flux Capacitor-ed straight from the alterna-kid crowd at my high school in the early 90s.
I was up at the counter, shooting the proverbial shit with the proprietor, Record Store Guy. No really, he legally changed his name to Guy Ricard-Storr back in 2004. Jack and Diane approach to make some purchases. Jack is carrying two well -worn records under his arm. Diane had one of her own. This in and of itself is not so remarkable given the resurgent popularity of vinyl LPs. Good for them for exploring the pleasures of physical media and supporting an iconic local business, taboot taboot. They probably listen on some shitty portable record player from Target, but thats still better than highly compressed mp3s via lossy Bluetooth on their stock iPhone earbuds. I used to use a pretty basic portable cassette deck when I was their age, and it didn’t hold me back from becoming the discriminating musical connoisseur that I am today.
Q: Discriminating connoisseur? Didn’t you listen to a lot of Def Leppard and Poison back then?
To my newer readers, allow me to re-introduce Q, our resident rhetorical device charged with asking self-evident questions in order to advance the narrative. When I’m addressing Q directly you’ll see it like this
A: I wish that was the most embarrassing stuff I used to listen to back then.
Moving On . . .
Jack struts confidently up to the counter. He presents his bounty to Record Store Guy. His selections, out of all the 1000s of records and CDs in the store, were . . .
*drum roll *
Herman's Hermits, and The Monkees.
*record scratch*
Q:
A: My thoughts exactly
But wait. Jack had one more retro-tacular trick up his sleeve. He pulls a snazzy nylon wallet out of his back pocket. It was not unlike one that I had when I was around his age.** It had a large, loud and proud velcro strap, as all the finest wallets do. RRRRRRRRRip. He opens the wallet like a boss. He produces two crisp Andrew Jacksons and hands them to Record Store Guy.
At this point I'm staring in stunned silence. Am I actually watching a high school dude in the year of our Lord 2024 paying cash for two vintage records that are probably older than his Dad? And do I still have that sweet nylon wallet with the Velcro strap around the house somewhere?
“Is that your DeLorean parked outside? “ I quipped, hilariously. Chatting up strangers at a record store is one of my greatest gifts to humanity.
* Crickets. *
I dont think he got the joke. Probably too hip and modern for him. Shoulda gone with a Groucho Marx reference.
Diane then presents her wares to Record Store Guy. One sealed copy of The Front Bottoms self-titled debut. Yea! Now thats the kind of bleeding edge of hip purchase I would expect from a high schooler who clearly identifies as “alternative”. Extra cool points to me for being hip enough to recognize it.
Q: That album actually came out in 2011. “Diane” would have been like 5 years old.
A:
“Oh I like those guys. Excellent choice” I say to Diane.
“Thanks. They're really good live. Thats why I wanted the album.”
See Jack, that is how you engage in friendly record store banter with an old dude you've never met before. #Lifeskillz. Watch Back To The Future with your parents sometime and report back to me. I'll loan you some Chuck Berry records. Or even better, watch it with Diane. I was picking up some vibes between you kids.
Diane pays for her purchase with ApplePay, like a proper teenager who's been raised by technology. Her record purchase, concert history, and Elvis Costello T shirt are pretty solid correlators with her being cool. Jack’s badass velcro wallet, of course, speaks volumes. He is clearly a man of wealth and taste.
Q: Did you have any sort of point you were trying to make here?
A: oh yeah, that.
I guess my point is that * movie trailer voice * in a world where high school kids are paying cash for used vinyl and repping Elvis Costello; where Taylor Swift just keeps re-recording the same songs on her way to becoming a billionaire; where Nirvana is basically a fashion brand; where Rockin Around the Christmas Tree can be #1 on the charts because of Tik Tok; where The Front Bottoms are practically classic rock; where a quick perusal of the playlist on my local college station includes The Beastie Boys, Liz Phair, Neon Trees, Frank Ocean, 100 gecs, and Rubblebucket; what does 'old’ and 'new’ even mean anymore? Everything is just there, discoverable by anyone at any time. Herman's Hermits. Rubblebucket. The Front Bottoms. The Vax Machines. The Monkees. Mitski. Low Cut Connie. Wombo. Guns N Roses. Old : New :: New : Old.
Except for The Vax Machines, because I just made that name up. I think. I'll check back on the college station playlist tomorrow. I may have just willed them into existence.
Q: Where did we leave off with Jack and Diane?
A: They left the store together, after some more witty repartee with myself and Record Store Guy. I'm no expert on these type of things, but I definitely sensed some vibes there. Diane was chatty, bordering on flirty. If I know anything about women, I know that they don’t just get all dolled up in their cutest Elvis Costello shirt and John Lennon glasses just to buy The Front Bottoms record or because they’re nearsighted. No siree. Them's vibes.
Jack, for his part, stayed cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce. He just let that sweet ass velcro wallet do all the talking. Classic Move. What was true for George McFly in 1955 and Marty McFly in 1985 and Marty Jr in 2015 is still true. Cash is cool. Records are cool. Concerts are cool. Girls that come to the record store with you and like going to concerts are cool. Herman's Hermits and The Monkees are . . . ummm, pop rock bands from the 1960s.
Jack my man, huddle up.
Y’know Stacy, who’s in your fifth period study hall on Tuesdays? Well, her Mom works in my office. And I heard Stacy's Mom say to Dorene that Stacy heard from Madison who used to be Diane's lab partner that Diane wants you to ask her to the prom. Does she mean the traditional spring formal dance; or is The Prom a new band she wants to see? Who the hell knows anymore, but its your move boss. Take her out to some place nice, like Chipotle. Spring for the extra guac. Trust me on this. Nothing makes an alterna-girl swoon like extra guac. You’re a baller, and she’s worth it. Really emphasize that RRRRRRRRip when you open that wallet. On your way home, pop the question. Thank me later.
Q: So is it safe to conclude that Jack and Diane are two 'Merican kids, doin the best that they can?
A: Based on the available evidence, yes. Or as some guys who failed to die before they got old once put it
The Kids Are Alright
QED
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* Jagger, Richards, et al: The Journal of Rock N Roll Awesomeness, Vol. 27 P.34
** okay maybe I still had it well into my thirties. It was cool dammit!